Many of you looked for my blog last week but I was out of the country for a wedding and realized that I was unable to post from my room due to the Wi-Fi not cooperating. I had the choice of spending hours in my room working on the Wi-Fi with the hotel or chucking my expectation when I realized it was not a quick fix and rather go to the beach. In the past, I would have chosen the Wi Fi fix to make sure I posted my blog. I was proud that I was able to let go and not focus on my failure to post. I was sitting on the beach with mixed emotions, but I acknowledged that that this was growth for me. As a Do Over I will note the week before that my blog will pause while I am away so that I will have zero anxiety. That is the best part of Do Overs, we can say to ourselves, “chuck it”, and then move on.
Most of my weekly blogs are about working to change our mindset by adding practices and mindful thought processes. This week let’s delve into what is not worth working on and how to chuck the burdens away. If we can focus on what to chuck, we can create space for the things worth holding onto. Life inevitably provides us with challenges that we tend to cling to, and we often define ourselves by these challenges.
A few weeks ago, I spoke about our cluttered closet, blog link, but I did not speak about chucking out the clothes that no longer serve us to make space for new items. If you are like me, our physical and mental shelves are stuffed to the max, but we use about 25% of what is on these shelves. We make bucket lists of things we want to accomplish but instead, let’s make a bucket list of things to chuck out. Bucket List - replace the “B” with “CH” and better yet you can use an “F” and let’s see what emerges. What are things you feel obligated about doing that you would love to chuck away?
I don’t want you to mistake selfishness with taking care of yourself. It’s very powerful when we can help a family member or a friend, but sometimes we say yes to things that push us out of our own comfort zone or the favor requests pile up and we develop resentment. This “CH” or “F” list will help you create boundaries or more importantly just release what no longer serves you.
For me, one of the things I need to chuck is the idea of finishing every morsel of food on my plate as if it’s my last meal. This made me laugh…I have a Chinese colleague and we were talking about our struggles with food. I told her that growing up we were told to finish our plates of food because there are starving children in China. She laughed loudly and said her parents said the same thing that “there are starving children in India!” Comedian Trevor Noah says his family would say “finish your food, there are starving children, you know… like us… in Africa”.
Let’s make a list of things we want to mentally (or physically) chuck out. Here are a few more of mine.
· Chuck the concept that one negative outcome defines my entire being, even if only for that one day.
· Chuck downplaying positive outcomes and my accomplishments as not a big deal.
· Chuck focusing on future outcomes as it pertains to my job.
· Chuck out clothing that has been in storage for 2 years!
For parents: Chuck your future expectations for your children! We all want our children to have more than us. When you think about your children’s future, see how many times you say “I”. I want them to go to a good school, I want them to be popular, I want them to get married and have a family. When you say, “I want”, mindful parenting is not in existence. You are using your own anxieties to drive your child’s life as a “Do Over” for your own life. “I wish I had done it differently”; “I will make sure my children don’t make the same mistakes”. This is fine, just keep an open dialog with them to see that it’s also what they want.
When we fail at something we tried ourselves, we tend to move on much quicker than failing at something that we were pushed into. Take time to assess what is worth holding onto and what you want to chuck out. Join me in saying “Chuck it” and move along!
If you would like help creating your own “CH” or “F” - “ucket list”, I have specific exercises that we can work on together. It’s fun and releasing, and I am here to help you with that Do-Over.
~Andi
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