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  • Writer's pictureAndi

Diving Through the Wave

You know that feeling when you realize you have done something wrong or have procrastinated a deadline, and then it hits you that the sh*t is about the hit the fan!

This has happened to me many times in my life, as a child with homework or adult situations that have much bigger ramifications. Recently a friend sent a nasty message about his boss to his boss instead of the intended friend!


As the awareness hits, our hearts start pounding, our stomach hurts and we PANIC! Naturally we want to hide and never be found out, but avoiding that painful inevitable outcome is the worst path to go. My friend with the email message asked my advice in sheer panic as he was desperately trying to pull back the message. I said that he should try a different path. I suggested he take a Do Over and claim back control. I suggested he find his boss in person or on the phone, if working remotely, and explain what happened. Apologize profusely, admit that the email was immature, and that he should have rather gone to speak to his boss directly vs. sending the email to his friend. I asked if I could read the email, which thankfully had no curse words. He hated the idea and was terrified, but he took my advice and connected with his boss to explain the situation. They ended up having a full hour conversation. He said their relationship is now much deeper and on a good path. I told him that before this happened, he was just one of the many who worked in their group but has now separated himself from the pack. Had it not gone well at least he had reclaimed control.


I grew up in South Africa on the coast and often use the ocean for analogies. I think about frolicking in the ocean. As a wave starts to grow, you realize you are about to get slammed by this powerful force, so you start running toward the shore to get away from it. The wave grows bigger and ultimately smashes you in the back and knocks you over. Sand ends up in every hole and crack in your body (yep, this has happened to me)! However, when I take the opposite approach and run toward the wave as fast as possible, I say “crap, crap, crap” as I take a huge breath and dive deep down through the wave, I gracefully glide out on the other side unscathed and feeling so powerful.


For parents: Teach this to your children. Life is not smooth, and we become stronger going though obstacles. Children are supposed to make mistakes so we can guide them without shame and blame. Expecting perfection or covering their tracks sets them up for a multitude of disappointments as adults. Teach them resilience and to sit with their emotions. Let them know that you trust their ability to handle the situation but are always there to help if needed.


If you feel you need individualized guidance I am here to help.



~Andi

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