Handstand

This week I received a question asking me about the best way to turn off one’s mind from the incessant chastising & sabotaging. Separately, I also had two conversations with clients who are looking to grow their professional careers. Both had made great strides and were on the cusp of attaining their goals but they were stalling right at the finish line. They both said they were afraid of the next steps and were holding back. Their hearts were passionate to get the new job, but their heads were doubting that they could succeed. I can vouch that both were more than qualified for their desired roles. We discussed that even if they fail, they would be learning in the process and it’s better than not going for it at all.

This made me think about my younger days when I was doing gymnastics. The way we learned a new move was to first learn how to fall out of it. For those yogis who want to learn a handstand, what are you most worried about? I am guessing it’s kicking up too hard and going over the top. Well that is just what we did, over and over again. We forced ourselves to fall over the top, we learned how to arch our backs, gracefully land on our feet in a backbend and then twist out of it.. We did not practice against a wall as this would not remove the fear of falling. Learning to fail and not being afraid of falling over was the only way we could ultimately achieve that perfect handstand. I practiced constantly on the soft sandy beach. Kick up and fall over. Sometimes I would even fail at falling and land flat on my back. Keep in mind I was 12 yrs and my bones could bend back then. I don’t recommend this without supervision or support.

It’s the same for taking risks to grow professionally or personally. Our brains need to relax to know it’s OK to fail. If you never fail, you are not trying hard enough. Do you notice that our minds tend to send negative incessant chatter creating anxiety and self doubt? Our minds are also either reflecting on the past or projecting into the future even if it’s 5 minutes from now. In reality, neither time actually exists. The best way to stop our mind from sabotaging us is to get out of our heads and sink into our hearts. If you are unsure if you should go for a job, or if you should make a move toward or away from a relationship, keep it simple, what does your heart say? Herein lies your truth! Sometimes knowing the truth does not mean you need to make the move immediately, your heart will tell you when the moment is right. I remember early in my career, I was in a job at Bristol-Myers that was not right for me. I stuck it out for 2 years. My heart kept saying “just go”, but my head said “what if you hate the next place?” One morning with no preplanning, both my head and heart said “It’s time”. I put together my resume and was in a new job within a month selling Advertising space for Young Miss (YM) Magazine and then moved to Family Circle Magazine before becoming a parent. Turns out I loved ad sales! I still pull from strategies I learned back then. Building a business plan, pitching new ideas, and networking.

For Parents: Younger children live in the present moment. They don’t fear failure or separate their heads from their hearts until they are older. The brave child is the one who questions when their head and heart are not in alignment. Explain that failure is part of succeeding. Baseball players are expected to fail at getting on base at least 70% of the time and GREAT baseball players that get on base 30% of the time are in the hall of fame Remember the handstand, practice falling and know that only ones who actually try will sometimes fail.

If you or your child needs a Do Over to practice failing in order to succeed, I am here to help. You can also comment at the bottom to start a conversation or if you would like to comment privately or want a question answered you can email me at info@parentdoovers.com.

Last week I received an email in response to my NUMB3RS blog pointing out that emotional rollercoaster is also tied to the # of LIKES on social media. Those who know me are aware I am rarely on social media, so this one wasn’t on my radar, but it’s a big one!

~Andi