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  • Writer's pictureAndi

Mother's Day 2023

Today is Mother’s Day in the USA. Last year I wrote about the relationship between mothers and children and as I reviewed what I wrote, I felt much of the narrative deserved to be repeated this year.

I want to welcome all the new moms, women who joined my site this year and to those whose families have expanded.

Again, this past year I attended hundreds of hours of consciousness workshops, and the mother-child relationship is the central topic of conversation. I have seen the same issues arise regardless of the person’s country or religious background so it’s a universal conversation.

The word Mother is a noun, but it evokes more emotion than probably any other word in the dictionary. Today families are so diverse, full-time moms, working moms, single parents doing it all, gay parents, and moms who became a parent via surrogacy. Each mom feels their struggle is unique to their circumstance, but the formula to improve the relationship with our children is the same regardless how we became a parent.

I became a mother when my first daughter was born on Mother’s Day in 1991. I had never taken care of babies and I was completely overwhelmed. Most new moms feel they should be perpetually happy but when I share that I found the beginning difficult, the other moms start pouring out their own struggles and are relieved to feel the support in the room.

When my daughter was born my biggest fear was that something would happen to me, and my husband would not know what to do. From the beginning we shared feedings, diaper changes, and I had a detailed dry erase board with her ever changing schedule. My husband did once give my daughter an “overdose” of vitamins instead of baby Tylenol when I had a friend’s bridal-shower. I remember him complaining that the baby Tylenol didn’t help with her teething irritability. When I asked him about the dosage, I realized he was dosing her with her vitamins and not the Tylenol. I still gave him an A for effort and of course I called the pediatrician who laughed and said the baby would be just fine.

Calendar dates like Mother’s Day evokes sadness for missing a loved one or for those trying to have a baby and it’s not going according to plan. In these situations, finding others who share your experience will be incredibly helpful. Talking things out with others who understand is extremely healing. Even talking to a coach in a space where you feel safe and can speak from your heart can help you walk this path with resilience. Remember the path is the path whether you walk it in pain or with strength.

Recently a mom asked me if my Do Overs method will make her child like her again. I explained that the Do Overs method is not about changing the child’s thought process, but rather that the change begins by learning to love ourselves so deeply that we no longer take things personally. When we don’t need our children’s validation to fill our own gaps, our reactivity is diffused, and the parent-child relationship will naturally improve over time.

For parents:

Before you do anything else, be the BEST mom/parent to YOURSELF. Picture yourself at a young age. Were you secure and confident or were you insecure and shy? Parent that child inside of you with so much love and compassion. What would that child say to you today? How would you respond and soothe that child? On this Mother’s Day take a moment to spend some quality time visiting with the child inside of you.

If you have more than one child in your household, remember that each child is unique and if you are trying to parent them the exact same way, it is going to backfire. We want to prove to our children that we love them equally despite their differences but it’s important to know what each child needs, and parent each child accordingly.

If you need help managing your expectations around these Hallmark holidays or would like a Do Over to reconnect with your children, your mother, or to work on an unresolved memory of a mother that has passed on, it’s NEVER too late to take a Do Over!

Starting in June, Parent Do Overs will be streamed monthly on North Shore TV (formerly Public Access TV). I will be hosting moms of all ages and we will be digging into all parenting topics. Let me know if you (or someone you know) have interest in being a guest on my show.

Click through the link below to connect with me.


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1 Comment

sherry stein
sherry stein
May 14, 2023

Wow what a beautiful message this week. And congratulations on streaming on North Shore T.V. Great that more people will get to share your wisdom. Keep it up!

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