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  • Writer's pictureAndi

Tug of War



I find my brain and my heart are sometimes in a tug of war!


How many times has your heart said YES, but your brain says NO! Our brains serve us well with things tied to real danger, however, our brains can also go into overdrive to protect us even when we don’t need it. This is when anxiety and insecurity surfaces. In these instances, our brains have a false sense that it must protect us from everything including social anxiety or anything that pulls us out of our comfort zones. When we have a glass of wine it dulls our brain chatter and allows us to fall into our hearts allowing us to function with greater ease.


While our brains are the thinking machines, we feel emotion with our hearts. How often have you said, “My heart is bursting with pride & happiness”, or “I am heartbroken”? We don’t say “I am brain broken”. I don’t know about your brain, but my brain does not stop chattering. If I pay attention to the “noise” in my head, it is so random especially when I am walking around outside. Sometimes I have no recollection how I got home and crossed streets safely. My brain chatter is also an annoying know-it-all. It makes assumptions about the tone of an email, it projects if people are friendly or unfriendly before I even know them. I have learned to catch myself in these moments and take a Do Over to settle into my heart by slowing my brain down and keeping an open mind free of judgement.


Have you noticed if you are asked to make a speech, it’s much easier to tell a story from your heart versus spewing facts from your head? I love speaking about Conscious Do Overs & Parent Do Overs. It’s my passion, I am speaking from years of experience, and it’s coming from my heart. This is when my brain and heart are completely aligned. When a client says my session stuck with them and allowed them to show up for themselves and their family from a calmer place which changed the dynamic for the week. My heart feels puffed up and my brain is at rest. I never felt this way in any other job even at the best of times.


For parents: When we show up for our family in our heart, it changes the energy in the home. When we are in our heads, we are typically distracted because our brains are so busy thinking about something else or we are being judgmental about what is going on in the moment. I remember when my kids were young, we would be driving and they would be chatting on and on, I was exhausted so I would mindlessly answer with a bland “ah-hah” showing them I was “listening”. One day my youngest said, “mom stop saying ah-hah and answer us!” Good for her and shame on me! That is a time I would love to take as a Do Over. I realized this a week ago and I am taking a Do Over by listening more intently and not being dismissive to what is being said.


I realize when you are in the throes of parenting, it’s a 24/7 job and fatigue will diminish the ability to self-regulate. Before entering a room take a deep pause and assess if you are in your head or heart. The fastest way to get into your heart is by finding gratitude for what is in the room you are about to enter. Even if it’s a screaming infant/toddler or a chocolate pudding fight between siblings, take a deep breath, pause outside the door and be grateful they are healthy. We take so much for granted. If you take this moment of gratitude, then you will instantly be in your heart and your reaction will be completely different than if you stay in your head. My kids would sometimes be arguing, and my husband would jump up to stop them. I would encourage him to hold back because they were not calling for us to intervene. I felt if there were no breaking objects crashing against the wall, they were working it out and would call for our help if needed.


This week’s blog is about the tug of war within us and how it affects our families. Next week we are going to delve into the tug of war between us and our children or family members. Remember, you do not need to be a parent to benefit from my weekly blogs. Hence the added name of “Conscious Do Overs” which is the foundation for Parent Do Overs.


I hope my weekly blogs give you tools to get you through week to week. Remember that we all come from years of our own upbringing which has a huge impact on our own parenting mindset. If you find you are always in your head versus your heart and want a Do Over to change your pattern and the dynamic in your family, I am here to guide you.


~Andi






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